I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
