Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
