9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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