I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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