I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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