I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
