My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
