If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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