Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
