you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
