No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
