when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
