maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
