The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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