u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
