Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
