just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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