but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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