My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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