the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize