I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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