mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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