I want to have your abortion
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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