I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
