i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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