You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
