The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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