if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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