Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
