Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
