DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
