just come out here and I will go home with you...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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