so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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