bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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