just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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