its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize