we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize