I'm so fucking centered right now
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
