I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
