i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That accounts for only three of the penises
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize