Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You were trust falling into bushes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
