would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
