Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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