Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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