It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
is it fun? or sober?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
