so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
