i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
