Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
