i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
