i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
