god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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