At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
