Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize