hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
