i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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