He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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