3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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