Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
