I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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