My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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