announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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