either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
