do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
