my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
