we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my shit smells like andre
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
