Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
