I'm lost and stupid without you.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
