i permit you to call me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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