how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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