well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
