worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize