I can text with my tongue
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
