Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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