I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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