I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
