I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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