I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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