Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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