How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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