Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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